Kill Yourself already

Can't take life any more? Want to end it all, but you don't want to be like every other schmo who kills himself in the traditional ways. Well here is your chance to be different, here is your to leave a mark, maybe even get your 15 minutes of fame in the cruel game of life that you sucked so much at it. Here is the link, now make it quick, loser.

Editor's note: the link was given to me by the Diggler

I've been thinking of taking up a new hobby. Not quite sure what yet, but this caught my eye.

Subersive Cross Stitch kits








I could make presents for all my friends for the holidays. Screw knitting scarves and hats; that would take too long. Who wants a little "Kiss my ass"? I'm particularly fond of "Don't make me cut you".

Anyway, I'm taking requests now, so get while the gettin's good.

Seriously, one of the funniest things I've ever watched.

Check out Steve Irwin getting freaked out by...Russ the intern from the Jay Leno Show. I thought I was going to pee in my pants.

He had to report himself

Do I even need to say anything here? I mean really. If that's not one of the funniest things you've seen in a long time then you have no sense of humor.

The Fresh Maker

It's a bit old, but always worth seeing again. After watching this video, I can't believe I used to be excited about his movies. The best part is, this is pretty much an uncut scene from bloodsport and it fits perfectly.

Hard day at work?

Here are two hilarious work-related* sites that make me laugh every time I see them.

Clientcopia is a blog about the stupidest clients out there. I am amazed at how some people actually function in the real world. Seriously. Amazed.




Annoying coworker is a brilliant site that allows you to send anonymous emails to your co-workers about their annoying habits. Either pick from one of their pre-written rants or write one of your own.







*Only truly funny if you work in an office.

Weird Al is BACK?

What always surprises me is that not only does he keep this gig up, but that he stays current. It's almost like he is able to reinvent himself through other people. Either way it's catchy as hell. Enjoy.

Heads Up!

I really don't even have to write anything here. That guy got owned. I wonder if he got a red card for purposely beaning someone with a soccer ball in the head.

Good old Mickey D's

Ever wonder what it would be like if you worked at McDonald's? Here's a peek into the minds of those people. It explains a lot.

Peachy - with a side of Keen.
So what did I do the other day? Well, we closed for the night. Something we don't normally do since we're a 24 hour store. But seeing as our Late Night manager got fired that day and he's the third manager in two weeks to either up & quit or get fired... we didn't have the manager coverage to take care of it. So, we closed the store. As will happen again tonight.

Anyhow, since he was fired for drug running AT THE STORE ("Just come pick it up," he tells his cohorts. UM... yeah.) our store manager wanted the combination changed that day, not the next day the manager who's job it is normally to change the safe combination would be in. So, I had to phone said manager. I could only get a hold of him at like, 1:30am. Everyone was still there because it's been a LONG, long time since we closed the store, and everyone's forgotten the amount of stuff one has to do. So, I proceed to follow Mike's instruction on how to change the safe combination. One critical note here - it's a digital safe. The second critical note - the door was closed. No one ever mentioned it should remain open. I'm usually good with the 'obvious' stuff, but it was going on 2am! Anyhow, he was all confuzzled because he just spent the night at the clubs. And what happens? Oh yes. Carrie-dear follows Mike's tipsy instructions on how to change the safe combination and the only thing he seems to remember fully is that I need to enter '0' six times to clear the code. So I do that. After that it goes terribly, terribly downhill.

Final outcome - we call some locksmiths after we realise the safe is NOT going to open with the old combination, the new combination, or any variant of the new combination, or even the six bloody zeros! For 17 hours one day we had a guy drilling our safe. For six and a half hours the next day, he was drilling the safe. The 10cm thick steel door to our safe, something that weighs a good 200lbs on it's own, looked like swiss frickin' cheese.

We borrowed tills from two stores, and a pile of cash from another. On the plus side though, when we returned the tills, we gave them our crappy cracked ones and we now have new, shiny, tills. :)

And Carrie is never again going to change the safe combination. But apparently, the rod inside the door was about to give out anyway. In a couple of weeks, at most, it would've wreaked the same sort of havoc - which was kind of indicative by the fact that you had to punch in the code six times or so before it would remember that you did it and let you in.

So perhaps I didn't mess it up after all. Perhaps it was just a senile old digital lock that couldn't remember it's own bloody code. ... Perhaps indeed.

I just love this song

It's really a very catchy little ditty.

Pathological Liars Are Fun

A kid I knew in college once made the claim, in one lunch sitting mind you, that he cured cancer, ran a 4.1 time in the 40 yard dash (yup - faster than Deon Sanders), and almost died from a rogue Philly Cheese Steak attack. Crazy, right? Yet he wasn't the most outrageous liar that I had the pleasure of knowing. Another acquaintance of mine, in high school, used to fly a SPACE SHIP to school. He used to park it on top of the school building and climb down the wall. In case you were wondering, we couldn't see the spaceship because it had a cloaking device, and we couldn't see him on the roof of the building, or scaling the walls, because he had a specially designed suit that made him invisible until he got down. Did I mention that he was a hired assassin for the CIA, code named Wolverine? Obviously, we couldn't tell anyone, because he would have to kill us.

As a sane person, what do you even say to people like that? The answer is nothing. There's really nothing you can do or say. The reality that they exist in is so detached from the rest of the planet that you can only hope that they don't shoot up your school. On the other hand, they do provide you hours of entertainment. They never realize that no one believes a single word of what they say. The lie is so ingrained into their psyche that it becomes the truth, and why would anyone question the facts?

With that little introduction, let me introduce you to Aleksey Garber, who is clearly more insane than the man who cured cancer, and possibly even more ridiculous than good ol' Wolverine. Alesky, applied to Yale back in 2002/3, and fortunately for us, stayed with a writer for the Yale newspaper. Here's the article describing his pre-frosh visit. I'm sure you'll enjoy it.

Catch of the year!

This is for all of you single ladies out there. This guy is the guy you've been waiting for your entire lives. Normally I would download this video, and upload it to youTube so that I could just post the video on here. However, I cannot do it at work, so I'll just have to give you the link and let you naviage to the page on your own. Enjoy.

And I'm telling you

Who likes Jennifer Holiday this much? I mean really? It's Jennifer Holiday. Either way, I'm glad he does, because he has made my last 5 minutes that much more enjoyable. Rock on kid. Click here and vote for him

Holy Sidewalk Drawing!

There is really no link for this, I just wanted to put it up because it is an amzing picture. I wish I could go and see that live, or was talented enough to do it on my own.

Drive on water

I posted this video for two reasons, the first being ecause videos are always a great way to pass the time. The second being because how often do you get to see someone attempt to drive on water in a car and a snow mobile.

Benefits of studying

Picture Career Day at Anytown Elementary School. A nervous man in a lab coat stands at the front of a hostile 8th grade class.

“I’m a scientist,” he explains. “I do research at a big university using the same kind of knowledge you guys are learning in Mrs. Peterson’s science class. Maybe one day some of you will be scientists, too. Does anyone here know they want to be a scientist?”

There is an uncomfortable silence as the 13-year olds glance at one another. The floor is opened for questions. Eventually, one young girl raises her hand if only to relieve the awkwardness.

“What kind of equipment do you use?”

“Good question,” he says with not a small amount of false cheer. “In my current research, I’m using thermographic cameras that detect radiation based on temperature. It’s just like night vision goggles.”

There is a murmur as some heads perk up — the kids have heard of night vision goggles and know that they are used by military personnel and James Bond to kill things. This is good.

“What are you researching?” asks another student.

He clears his throat. “Well, currently my team is studying some of the differences between men and women. Uh, yes, you in the back?”

“What kind of differences?”

He pauses. “Differences in, uh, differences in the way that men and women’s body temperatures react to, uh, certain stimuli.” The students note that the man’s face has turned a vibrant shade of maroon.

“So you watch the men and women get hotter with the night vision goggles?”

“It’s a camera, technically, and . . . yes, yes we do.”

“What are they doing while you watch them?”

The man looks to the teacher for help, but recalls that she took advantage of today’s talk to step out for a coffee and cigarrette. “Well, they’re, uh, they’re watching movies actually.”

“What kind of movies?”

“Um, a lot of different movies . . . ”

“Why would people get hotter while watching movies?”

The man silently wills the teacher to return to the room using the hidden power of his mind, but to no avail. He is cornered and alone.

“Well, some of the movies . . . some of the movies are dirty.” He finishes his sentence quietly and apologetically.

After a brief, stunned silence, a boy in the back row excitedly summarizes the preceding information: “You spy on people with night vision goggles while they watch dirty movies?”

“That’s not, that’s not exactly what I do, no, you see it’s a camera . . . ”

“How can I get a job like that?” the boy shouts. The man scans the room to see the rest of the students nodding their heads enthusiastically, waiting for an answer.

The man clears his throat. “Study hard, kids. Study hard.”

Applause.

This joke was brought to you by skepchick.

Sexual Consent

In today's troubled times it is always good to cover your ass. You never know when something that you might do or say may come back to bite you. As a result, not only should you always use a condom in the bedroom, but you should consider making sure there is Sexual Consent. A girl simply saying yes these days just doesn't cut it any more, and as that example shows, it's always better to be safe than sorry.

VG Pocket Tablet

Who says that new games are the only ones worth playing, or that you need to spend 200 dollars to get something that occupies your 30 minutes on the train? For around 40 dollars you can play games like Frogger, Space Invaders, and 30+ other games with just 3 AAA batteries. Sure the graphics may still suck, but the games are sure to still be as addicting as ever. Even better, for 15 extra dollars you can buy a jack to plug it into your TV and get that classic arcade feel. Consider this on my to buy list. If you want to buy one, you can pick them up here. Also, here is the times article if you want to read more.

I hate my cubicle

When I look at something like this, a slide to go between floors, it makes me wonder why so many companies stick with the boring ass cubicle look. In reality, I wouldn't want to work for Red Bull, but if I walked in for an interview and got to take a slide down to someone's office, I'd definitely give it a second thought. It is not that I think slides are fundamental to employee productivity, although they may be onto something, it's that it shows the company actually cares about the amount of time you spend in the office, and your over all happiness while working. That in and of itself makes a company more desirable to work at, regardless of the fact that they are just feeding the caffiene addiction machine. To see the really cool Red Bull office and other cool places to work, check out this site. Have fun while I drink my 6th Red Bull of the day and have a heart attack on the floor.

Who released that cut?

Don't you just love when you find a scene in a movie that you think is a mistake and should have been picked up by someone who actually gets paid to look for them. This website has a list of their top 15 movie mistakes of all time. Some I knew, like porche in commando, and others I had no idea (like in the LOR and Harry Potter). Anyways, check it out and let us know what you think.

Light me up

Just because something is a waste of time does not mean that it has to be silly or funny. It just has to be interesting, and something that will keep your attention. Personally, this video does that for me. Not only does it pass time, but I hope that it happens in the future. Enjoy.